Assignment

So... I had an assignment that I had to write for one of my favorite classes the other day... And I decided that I wanted to share it here because, as most of those assignments tend to be, this one was extremely reflective.

What I usually do for these is just write them as I think about them and be done with them. This way I get a very raw depiction of my thoughts on whatever questions are posed. I run back through for grammatical errors, but my thoughts are my thoughts and I usually leave them be.

Anyway, without further adieu ... Here you are.... (I posted the questions and answers just for clarity)


Do you think that human beings are by nature altruistic or egoistic?  Why?

I ultimately believe that human beings are innately good and have an innate desire to care for others or be altruistic. I believe in the Bible which means that I do believe in Adam and Eve and their relationship. Many see that story as a woman’s eternal demise of man. However, I see it as two people thinking they were doing what it took to take care of one another. Each blatantly disobeyed God, yes undoubtedly. But they were also doing what they thought was best for one another. To me, their sin was in trusting their own thoughts and opinions of what that was over trusting God’s, which is a different story altogether. I also believe that because of the way men and women relate to one another, and relate to their offspring. When someone is extremely selfish toward their offspring specifically, most people take notice because it seems to go against nature in the eyes of most. Society is constantly at odds about whether or not it is the role of the strong to take care of the week or give everyone a chance to take care of themselves. However to me, even this comes from a fear of not being able to take care of one’s own family appropriately for the sake of taking care of someone else’s. Most of my friends see me as insanely optimistic and always seeing the good in others. I guess this is somewhat true.


How would you describe yourself – do you usually see the glass as being half full (optimistic), or half empty (pessimistic)?  Briefly explain what it is about you that prompted your choice of an answer.







I always have a way of answering these questions prematurely, but as I stated I see myself similarly to the way that those who know me best do. I try to see the glass half full, specifically when it comes to others. I am a service vessel. I have dedicated my life to helping others to be the best people they are capable of being. And in order to help with that, I have to believe even when they do not sometimes. And I am okay with that. I am not sure if this always translates appropriately to the way that I view my own personal life. But I am also often torn between who I am as a clinician/professional and who I am on a personal level. In many ways the two are the same. But in some they differ. For others, I am always willing to see the best and view them in a more positive light than they necessarily deserve but I believe everyone deserves that someone who will believe in them unconditionally. Personally though, I am my own worst critic and am often harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else. This is a phenomenon that I have always found to be interesting. I am not sure that I will ever grow from that. I always believe I can be better, and this has made me strive for more and never really accept no as an answer unless I am the one saying it. But that may also translate into me seeing my own glass differently than I see that of others.

Compassion, kindness and care are traits that are not only associated with being a professional counselor but they occur all around us everyday.  The problem is that we tend not to notice the positive aspects of human behavior.  We usually don’t notice courtesy but we do notice rudeness.  We notice cruelty but don’t notice kindness.  We sense danger but usually not a sense of safety. And it seems that more and more the media only focuses on bad behavior
 

The bit about understanding and seeing the positives in human behavior is something that I understand all too well. My gift and my curse is that I will always choose the other person over myself. This is a debate that my best friend and I have all the time. She always says that I am likely to die overexerting myself for someone who does not deserve it and she is likely to go to jail for reviving me then killing me again. It is our tidbit, and I promise it occurs once a month. I am usually the person who overlooks a person’s faults while she will usually notice them immediately in deciding whether or not she will choose to deal with them. I don’t think either of us has it completely figured out. My goal though, is usually to find a balance. I could do a better job of noting someone’s fault and not only focusing on the positive because that can be equally as dangerous.
  

Find a place where there are people interacting – whether at school, at work, out in public etc and observe/pay attention (people watch) and identify two instances that you believe are good examples of compassion, kindness or caring.
Write a one page reflection/observation about each example - what happened?
      Why do people bother being kind, courteous or compassionate?  What are the rewards/benefits?  Are there any costs?

I think people choose to be kind/compassionate/courteous for several reasons. The main two I have found are that people believe it is the right thing to do and believe in the consequence of not doing so (aka karma). I also think that some do the right thing because they feel they are being judged on their behavior. [I realized in re-reading this that I could have said more about costs and benefits... but meh]

Kind act number one (names have been changed to protect the selfless):
    
I did not have to go very far to find my first example of kindness. I was out on a date getting food with Jay. Before the meal, we passed a homeless man who was begging for anything that anyone could spare. Jay felt really bad about not having any spare cash on him and was markedly impacted by his inability to help this man. I never asked why it was so important, mainly because I have seen him impacted this way before in a very similar situation. I do not even think I was caught off guard by his reaction because it is somewhat normal behavior for him. At any rate, we enjoy our meal and I do not usually finish my dinner so I am normally the only one leaving with a doggy-bag. On our way out, we passed the same homeless man and Jay was immediately struck by the fact that we were passing the same person. We walked several paces before he stopped me and said, “I know you and you’re probably not going to think about this burger tomorrow. Can I take it and give it to this man?”
   
I consider myself to be a pretty giving person, but that thought had not even occurred to me. I even had a slight pang of jealousy/regret for not thinking of it first. I just looked at him, so impressed and replied with a yes. He ran back with huge grin on his face and I watched as he offered the gentleman the remainder of my meal and reflected on how right he was. I was not going to eat this food, and it might have ended up cold and in a trashcan. I also watched as he chatted the gentleman up wondering what they were saying to one another and hoping that the gentleman was as appreciative of his deed as I was.

    When he returned to join me, I just smiled and said “That was so selfless of you.” I am still smiling and blown away by his kindness. There was no reason for him to do it. He certainly was not trying to impress me. We have been past that point in our relationship. It was just... refreshing.


Kind Act number two (no name changes necessary):
    I was on campus reading before class. I sat near the new pretzel shop (Auntie Annie’s) in the Marvin Center. While sitting, I decided to do a bit of people watching because it actually is one of my favorite activities. Usually I am wondering what people are thinking while they mosey. But this day, I was sort of on a mission. Something good, kindhearted, compassionate, or selfless. It took a few minutes to spot it. Students were running back and forth to and fro busily. Suddenly, a young lady dropped a small book that she did not seem to notice. She was hurrying on her way. Because the hallways were so crowded, I doubt that the book even made a sound. And if it did, I am positive she did not hear it. Just as I was lifting to try and get her attention to let her know, another girl grabbed the book and shifted around to see what it was and who it belonged to. She stopped what she was doing and chased the other girl down to return the book to her.

    I just thought to myself, “How often does that really happen? How often do people sacrifice their own time for someone else?” And though this example is small, the girl who found the book could have very well left it there. No one could have blamed her. But I think she noticed it and felt obligated to return it. I imagine she considered what she would have felt like losing a book and not knowing where to look for it. She also could have been later to her destination trying to find the book’s owner. But she did the nice thing. Not even necessarily the right thing. But certainly the nice thing.

Sexual incongruence?

Disclaimer: This blog was supposed to have a completely different title.  I have been putting it off for weeks now, and when I finally thought to remind myself to do it... I had forgotten what I wanted to call it. #judgeme


Okay so... here's the thing... Several of my friends and acquaintances have been discussing this concept of "bad sex partners" and dudes who just "do it wrong"... And this commentary is usually coming from males themselves. Based on the conversations that females either have with them... or conversations that they have overheard. So I thought this would be something interesting to discuss because I never really know what men are thinking when it comes to sex...

One of my friends tweeted recently that "If a [n-word]'s goal is not to make his lady  orgasm as many times as she is capable of doing so in the time allotted for their sexual encounter" he is doing something wrong and the chick will talk about him poorly to all of her friends. Another of my friends tweeted that he thinks [n-word]s just pound until they can't anymore and call it a day"... In both of these cases lol, it seems that both think that someone is getting it wrong. But I also wonder what people who think that way would do to rectify the situation.

Sex seems to be such a taboo topic for discourse in male-female relationships. Even if you are not planning on keeping a female around for long periods of time, Gentlemen, you should still follow the rule of reciprocity. I'm positive it will serve you well. Now, if you do not know what this is... I have no problem explaining it as I TRULY do not understand why most men do not think this way... And I know that several don't because I have had several conversations that have made this very clear to me. Anyway, the rule of reciprocity with MOST women says that if you do what it takes to please her, your pleasure will know very few limits. I know for a fact this is the general school of thought for most Aquarians [to a much stronger degree]... But on a very basic level, it is also the rule of thumb for most women. Even in the most simple situation... if you find out what a woman likes, and put effort into accurately delivering it... she will come back even if only for the peen. FACT!

The problem is that most men, and women, think that they have sex down pact for all members within their radius of attraction. But that's not true. How do you know what someone wants or likes if you don't ask or find some method of discovery? And then, many men think that they are able to tell what turns a woman on or tickles her fancy by paying attention to what she says or how she responds to you. Little known fact... If a woman is into a man... she will say and do whatever is necessary to make him feel good. My point? You cannot rely solely on the things that you think are tell-tell signs simply because you would rather avoid what could result in an awkward conversation. It doesn't serve either of you well. No two people are created equally. Therefore the next may not like what turned the last on, and so on and so forth. The only way you can really find out what gets a person moving, is to inquire within. Ask her what she likes... tell her what you like... Discuss her turn-ons and more importantly her turn-offs... Keep her interested and get more interested.... And how would you even KNOW how sexually congruent you are with a person otherwise?

That being said. sex should be a negotiation of things that work for both parties. It becomes exponentially more challenging, yet straight forward once you are in a monogamous relationship because then you have several other variables to tend to... Yet you're only doing these things with ONE person...

And if you decide not to take into account what makes her body tick... you are by definition a selfish lover. Now there are obviously cases where someone would not care if they are being labeled a selfish lover. But clearly this information is not really for them. More so, it is for those who truly think their game is tight...and yet aren't taking the steps necessary to insure that this is correct.

Every woman is wired differently... and this may or may not be the case for every man as well. For instance, sex is purely psychological for some women while for others it is all physical, and others may experience variations of combinations of the two. So... I am all for experimenting. But I am even more in favor of simply asking the person... That is of course... if he/she is someone that you would prefer to keep around. Sex is meant to be enjoyable, and bring joy to those who experience it. Opening up the lines of communication can truly improve the chances of meeting that goal for all parties involved. 

More to come later I suppose... holler!

The Pursuit of Perfection

So... This along with my next blog (Sexual Incongruence) have been in edit mode for the past several weeks... Between school and work and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life... My blog and thoughts have suffered. So My mission for the next hour at work is to crank these thoughts out so that I can get on to newer and more current thoughts...


So onto the pursuit of perfection... This is a very interesting topic. To me at least. I never really understand how people decide where to bend, compromise, settle, and the like for that special someone. However, I do believe that no single person is perfect. Even if a person has the attributes that you consider perfect for you, they are guaranteed to be flawed in some other way. However, is the difference in how we see those flaws? How we navigate over, under, around, and through them? I am also usually curious about what a person's markers for success are in a relationship, and how you gauge whether or not this one is the one for you... Often times, the couples who everyone else sees as perfect do not see themselves as such... Surface perfection, in my opinion, is not perfection at all. It is a shell. A cloak. A facade that portrays what we think others want to see. In contrast, though, reality is raw and unedited... real. Genuine. But how do we know the difference? And who decides?


 My two best (female) friends and I ... actually I have probably had this conversation with all of my closest friends recently... But this is certainly a debate that comes up between myself and Kris often. I strongly believe that even if you find someone who fits/compliments you in every way that matters... You will still have to send that person through an orientation process which may be never-ending in some cases. And you too will have to get through an orientation period with that person as well. By this, I mean that there is a learning curve that must be allotted for and tackled in order for a relationship to be successful and prosperous. This is true for any type of relationship really.


Now where the debate comes into play is in the way that orientation plays out. Kris believes that you should not have to "train/instruct" a person in any way to do the right things. in her experience, this has not been necessary and as a result she feels like if a person is ill-equipped to behave accordingly, they simply do not belong with the person. I, on the other hand, believe that you have to be able to verbalize your wants/needs/desires in someway or be prepared to be incapable of fairly holding them against the person you are in relations with. However, for me... there seems to be a disconnect between believing that in theory, and practicing it in truth. But that is a different story for a different blog.

Ultimately, I guess what I am getting at is: 1.)Are we all looking for perfection in some sense of the word?  2.)How do we know that we have found it? 3.) Does perfection mean without the need for additional work? Or No assembly required? and 4.) Are we so busy seeking out perfection that we are passing up Perfectly Good in the process? [[ i.e.- do we nitpick at things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things only to find that we should have been perfectly satisfied with the foundation in existence]]?

I think a great metaphor for this is the search for living quarters... a house... a HOME...

You begin your search with a list of what you would like, what you wouldn't like... Your hard limits and your soft ones (I personally think that at least all romantic relationships should begin this way... The pre-list so that you know what you're looking for with a bit of adaptability in case what you need ends up surprising you...!]] Even if this list is only mental, you have an idea of the type of neighborhood you will want, what type of commute you're willing to accept, how many bedrooms and bathrooms would be comfortable for you, closet space. You also have an idea of what you would compromise on, and for what cost. If you found a really inexpensive rate, is that enough to compromise on how safe the neighborhood is? If you will be really comfortable with room sizes, is a longer commute now more feasible? And even most of these compromises don't quite come into play until you have started the hunt. But at this point, your marker for perfection is pre-existing...whether you realize it or not. It can sometimes be colored by experience, but let's be honest... what CAN'T be colored by experiences?

So now you've started actually hunting for homes, experiencing the market a bit, you have a better idea of what is realistic and what is feasible. Does this change your view of what perfection is? Do you maintain that concept of a perfect house, but decide upon a suitable more practical home? Are your thoughts about that home now compared to your previous view of perfection, or do you come up with ways to make the feasible home into a duplicate of your dream home? And can you do this without changing the place altogether? Would that, essentially, be a more costly attempt? And does it require comparison to other homes and spaces in order for you to determine whether or not you have found what you are looking for? Is there criteria, or do you just KNOW?

Is this home an extended project? And if so, does that make it more or less perfect for you? Is its perfection attached to the amount of work put into it in that it wasn't perfect before the work? Or in that it is not and won't ever be perfect BECAUSE you had to work? And what would the ratio be for determining the amount of work you are willing to put in in order to take advantage of the potential output? SO MANY QUESTIONS! lol

And then finally... In our search for somewhere to be comfortable... did we spend so much time blinded by the concept of perfection that we passed up several opportunities to be adequately satiated? Are we satisfied with adequate? Can what was once adequate become inadequate? And worse, are we spending so much time and money dwelling on a concept of perfection that was never even feasible to begin with? Or do we have the right to have everything that we desire without any compromise whatsoever, thus making the continued search worth every effort we employ?

 I do not necessarily know the answers to these queries. But I will be digging my way to find them because I think they are relatively important questions...

Personal Profile...

I realized earlier... It's not very often that you get to take a good look at yourself and unpack your plans... assess your accomplishments, make provisions to move forward... I think everyone should do this every so often... And I do it myself from time to time but am always amazed at how much I learn about me each time I do... Anyway... Here's me... Hi! I'm Nesh. I'm laid back. Enthusiastic. Passionate. Feisty. Opinionated. A lush for conversation. Caring. Compassionate. Sometimes louder than necessary. Always willing to hear and understand the point of view of another. Forgiving. Genuine. Humorous. Giving. Generous. Conservative. Adventurous. An advocate for social justice. A champion for the fair treatment of others. No nonsense. Honest. Loyal. Respectful. Nurturing. Understanding. Strong believer in friendship. Appreciative. Logical. Prideful. Independent. Argumentative. A know-it-all. Inspired. Perpetual student of life. I am all of these things and so many more. Some of these things I am more proud of than others. But ultimately, I am a culmination of these things in varying degrees every single day. And I have no choice but to be okay with that, because overall, these attributes aren't going anywhere. [[[[[meh]]]]]

Eggs and baskets

Okay... ((sigh)). So this seems to be one of those forks in the road for me where I'm forced to align my behavior with either : 1.) what I believe is right OR 2.)what life has been showing me. The two are in constant conflict with one another...and even when I think I've stumbled across some sort of resolution... NOT SO!


I'm not a fan of what life shows me because it gives me no hope for a future that aligns with my inherent beliefs.


It has always been my stance that when it comes to relationships, you should always give your all and trust that your partner is doing the same. As such the need for second guessing, mistrust, stepping outside of, disbelief, and any other negative feelings associated with giving your all to a person. I have always been a firm believer of holding on to all of your eggs until you find someone worthy of trading with. And even then...you don't give them all of your eggs at once but instead gradually test which of your eggs you can trust that person with. Eventually though...as that person proves him or herself more and more trustworthy...you begin to trust them with more of your eggs. Simultaneously, they too are entrusting you with their eggs little by little and bit by bit. And eventually, the goal is that all of your eggs are in their basket and all of theirs are in yours. OR the two are so enmeshed in one giant basket labeled "OURS" that it is difficult for anyone to know whose eggs are where. I guess really, that's the ultimate goal. Or at least I thought it was.



But anyway ...what life is showing me is something different that I'm not a fan of (as mentioned). Life seems to suggests that you should never share your eggs. Or that if you do, not all of them. Life seems to suggest that even if someone requests to be the bearer of your eggs, you should only give them enough for appeasement. Always either keeping a few for yourself (to give to or place in the basket of another) or be deceitful about how many eggs you have to give at all. Either way... Be sneaky and underhanded with the disbursement of your eggs. Always place them in several baskets. Why? 1.) because everyone else is and 2.) so that you can't be totally crushed when your eggs aren't properly tended to it cared for.


Now what's funny about this is that I've played both ways. And both have points of fulfillment and emptiness.


Maybe I should first define the eggs though. At least my eggs are kinda labeled. There are my friendship eggs. My romantic eggs. My discussion eggs. My emotional eggs. My fun eggs. My erotic/fantasy eggs. My sexy eggs. My intellectual eggs. My homemaker eggs. My act right eggs. My submissive eggs. My opinionated eggs. My super sensitive and fragile eggs. My excitement eggs. My damsel in distress eggs. YEESH! That's a lot of eggs. But everyone has them in differing varieties. So it's clear that shelling them out (all pun intended) to anyone takes a lot out of me and therefore requires at least something of them.


I have to admit that it's been a long while since I put all of my eggs in one place. YEARS in fact. And that was the craziest most fulfilling yet draining relationship ever! WHY? He abused my eggs. Lol. I might've abused some of his too though. We rushed. We loved hard. We obsessed. We fought. We made up. And I probably wouldn't change anything about that. BUT ultimately...I probably would have killed him. Or left. Because I don't think I could've done it for much longer. As much as I loved him. As much as he loved me.


This is why I think I'll probably remain an old maid for life. I can't imagine building a life with someone who I can't trust to be faithful. I can't build a life with someone who doesn't take my feelings and concerns seriously. I can't build a life with someone who is content as a man with me doing all the work just because I can and will. I just can't do it. But mostly... I can't be with someone who won't love me and cherish me for and in spite of everyone of my eggs! And I can't be with someone who I can't trust with my eggs or that won't trust me with theirs.

And if that's my marker... And if life is showing me to never trust others because they will abuse that trust every time ... Where does that leave my future...?

Today's lesson: 10/11/12

You can never make people care about you or your feelings... Regardless of how much you may want them to. If you mattered, they'd behave accordingly. Because you don't, it shows through their actions. When someone SHOWS you who they are... Believe them. ✌

Dating Faux Pas I have Made...

So... I guess I should first place the title of this blog into focus... I have not dated a whole bunch in the sense of what I think actual dates consist of... I don't think I have ever REALLY actually dated a person until my latter years at all actually... To me... a date is a pre-planned event between myself and a guy where he actually makes plans with me in advance, usually picks me up and secures my transportation (somehow) to those plans... and then takes me back to my original location once those plans are over. There is also a romantic element to all of this in that I find interest in him, and he in me, worth exploring enough to make plans and attend them in unison in the first place. There have been several lists that I have come across devoted to discussing the do's and don't's of those interactions. But that's not entirely what I mean here as I usually find myself asking those questions of my friends myself... I do not have a wealth of experience in that area... I guess what the title should really discuss is the mistakes I have made in my entanglements with members of the opposite sex over the years... But that is a lot to say and sounds less catchy than the title I created so meh... Anyway... this is a list of things that I am interested in exploring within myself because I am not entirely sure why I do them. However, I am very capable of identifying them for what they are...

1. I think one of the biggest mistakes I always make with people in general is that I don't express my true and complete feelings about things until my exit interview... I think there are several reasons for this... But let me be more clear about what I mean... If a man does something that rubs me wrong, or upsets me... or that I find as grounds for cancellation... I usually just take note and keep it moving. And unless that person is attentive enough of my change in temperament to notice that a shift has occurred (many are usually to egotistic to do so)... they likely won't even know that change has happened. Then, even in cases where the person may notice the shift, and that it was in response to him... I have usually already made up my mind so it's not usually worth discussing. Regarding my mind being made up, though... my feeling is this: If you are able to do something that would throw me off to that extent... do I really want you around long term? Or even for any term? It may not be grounds for cancellation as I may genuinely enjoy you... or being around you... But I really have to CARE to bring up my thoughts or my feelings... and if you don't then why should I? Even if a guy tells me that he has true plans for me... If his behavior [in any way] shows me that we are just chillin or kickin it or talkin (or whatever you youngsters use to express lack of true commitment)... then that is the mindset from which I will approach all interactions. Regardless. I compartmentalize... and usually most people take themselves off of the relationship track with very subtle moves. BUT... I do think that I could be more expressive. Sometimes people are not aware of their behaviors or of what those behaviors are showing someone else. However, I also think that if I choose to bring something to your attention and you do not honor it or make the necessary changes... then I'm just not that important to you... and therefore should not take you or your words or your actions seriously.

2. I have, in the past, put the happiness of others far above that of my own. And though this is generally the way that relationships should work... That should be the philosophy in all relationships... But its not. I have definitely been guilty of giving more of myself than I should have. The way that I see it, in a relationship, you should have already taken your time to get to know the person. Therefore, you have had ups and downs with them. They have seen you through some pains and celebrated with you through some sorrows. Therefore, you have had a chance to assess them and yourself too before beginning to DECIDE (relationships are more than culmination of feelings... relationships should always be decisions) to be in a relationship. As such, once you decide to make that leap with a person, it is because you both have agreed to the terms and conditions of this union... Sounds a lot like marriage... I'm sure. But to me, why be in a relationship with someone you can't see yourself with long term? That's what dating/talking/chilling is for. Therefore, if two people have decided to be with one another in a relationship...it should be exclusive and it should be reciprocal. I'm not saying that life is supposed to stop and that a person's significant other should now be the only focal point for that person in life. However, I am saying that your significant other should now be a very natural priority in your life. You should each be in a position of being so concerned with the needs and happiness of one another that your own shouln't really be a concern because he/she is already taking care of those details. Is it a perfect system? NO! Not at all. But if this is the daily goal, then it becomes something that both parties continue to work at. In light of this, many of my errors have come from giving too much to people who would not do the same for me or did not do the same for me. Whether I did it because they promised to, or for some other reason (because some other void was being filled by doing so) or whatever, I'm not sure. Clearly, though, I did not follow my own philosophy in these situations. MISTAKE!

3. Another huge mistake I have made is making people feel way too comfortable way too fast. My best friend and I have joked and not joked about this being both a gift and curse that we have both been guilty of possessing. But I have this tendency to make other people feel at ease. I do it unknowingly sometimes, and sometimes I wake up and its too late to change things. In doing this, people tend to think that you feel more strongly for them than you do... or rather that they have you right where they want you... lol what they don't know is that my C game looks a lot like the A game of some other people. So in just being the very basic version of me, people may get something that they really want and in turn believe that I'm behaving that way for their benefit. lol If I could provide more details without implicating parties, I would. But I'm always so interested in the way that people respond in that situation. To me, though, the difference is in how attached/detached I am to the person or events. If I'm being super sweet and chill with you... but I don't react to something you've done... the real question is am I really not reacting or am I just not reacting to you? Me talking to my friends about it is likely me reacting... because I usually want to talk more about them and their lives... therefore only with certain people will I request actual advice of/on my own. What is also interesting is that because this is really just how I am... I notice almost everything and yet comment on almost nothing. The result is people really thinking that they are getting away with things when in reality I just don't care enough to bring it up. And then in cases where I do care enough for that... Sometimes I still say nothing by way of point #1.

4. This flaw is more a continuation of the first point as well. But it is also a point of its own. Because I usually let things go or build when they upset me, it seems like I'm either VERY patient with a person or not patient at all. The reality is that neither are true... or rather that the two come together for me. They meet in the middle. As such, when I'm finished with something I'm finished. I can be patient until I don't want to anymore. And though now I am trying to get myself to be more honest about my thoughts when I have them... usually I just walk away or disappear. I am not sure if that is a sign of growth or an indication of my feelings toward the person. But ultimately, it is how I am. Telling the person may either prolong the inevitable or completely change the situation all together. But regardless of the steps I take to cancellation... I will usually endure a situation until I cannot any longer. And what that usually looks like on the outside looking in is that I've called it quits over nothing. Again though, I strongly believe that the person I end up with will be very in-tuned to these subtle changes in my behavior. To me, there are always warning signs. This is also true to those who know me best. Most men, however never see it. And that is a shame.

5. I have accepted things at face value/ been too trusting/ given chances because I felt obligated to do so