On Expiration Dates...

Okay... So it's been a minute. Life has been throwing me for a few loops and school has played an active role in that process as well. But a new recurring theme keeps popping up around me so I figured I'd sort it out by writing about it... Or try to.

Have you ever met someone and known immediately that there was an expiration date on your interaction with this person??? This can manifest itself in a variety of ways and I'm sure we have each encountered this at some point. It's, in some ways, the polar opposite of the way you feel when you meet someone who you sort of know is supposed to be in your life or that you know you were meant to meet. In those situations, I've been known to try to ignore it (if it involves romantic sentiment) or be skeptical of it and play it cool in general. But sometimes when we meet a person who is clearly seasonal... Or at least when I do/have, I do the opposite. I will try to examine it for depth or make sure that I'm not creating the expiration date out of nowhere.

Now more on the expiration date itself... These are people that we KNOW we have nothing in common with... Or know that there is a literal expiration date like a day they are leaving the country or moving to a new area or something.... They may be coming at a time when our serious sites are clearly set on someone else but this person just appears in the interim.... You know immediately that the person means you no good but they are currently appealing to you... There are a variety of reasons that the real or perceived expiration date may exist. My question is... Once you have acknowledged the expiration date, what do you do with it???This is where my confusion lies...

When discussing this concept with one of my close friends, it became clear that this decision should likely be based on the following things:

1.) The shared view of the situation [yours and the other person's]
2.) Your level of honesty [with yourself and the other person]
3.) And the reasoning behind the expiration date.

First of all, the shared view of things is very important. If you are both viewing this as something fun and interesting with no true intentions of taking things anywhere serious, then this may not present a problem for anyone. However, if you see a clear expiration date and it seems that the other person is attempting to build a foundation, a conversation may be in order...

Level of honesty is also important and ties into the third consideration of your scope of reasoning.... Are you creating an expiration date for this person because you don't want to believe that the possibility exists? Do you know immediately that you are not willing to put the work in, and therefore see no reason to string this person along? And how honest are you being with the other person about your expectation? How honest is the other person being with you? Is the other person only saying things are casual to appease you, when in reality they want more? And are you afraid of the 'more' and therefore creating this expiration date? OR.... Does the expiration date really exist? Which brings us to the why... You should also be honest with yourself above all else regarding the reason you you applied the expiration date to begin with... Did you apply it, or is it the result of divine intervention...?

If you meet a person and find them to be completely cool as a person, yet know that who they are as a person completely clashes with who you are [morally, physically, ideologically, religiously, clashes in personality... etc.], I would say those are fair grounds for an expiration date... If you realize the person is moving to a completely different continent for an extended period of time, and therefore neither of you wants to get too attached... I think that is solid reasoning for an expiration date, or at least a rain-check.

However, if you are holding out for one person and therefore keeping everyone else at bay... That requires a completely different internal dialogue. And again, this requires extreme honesty with one's self. On the one hand, if you and this other person are on the cusp of being more serious but have not yet crossed the line... You should ask yourself what implications this new situation could have for that situation and who would be impacted by the consequences as well as how... If you are serious about this other person and are unsure about how they feel about you... That should probably be a conversation that you have before entertaining other possibilities.... If you are serious about this other person but are trying to tell yourself you aren't... and are therefore 'keeping your options open' all the while knowing where you are likely to end up...... Again... be more honest with yourself... and stop dragging other people unnecessarily into your mess... BUT.... If you are holding on to this person knowing that they either mean you no good... or have no real intention of making things official in any capacity with you... How valid is the expiration date you have placed on this new person?

And really, expiration dates can come as a result of any combination of these reasons as well as several others. But the strongest is the reasoning you should go with. Basically, do not waste your own time if you are playing yourself... but also don't waste someone else's time because you are playing yourself. lol

The conversation with my close friend was interesting as the overall perspective there was that we are getting too old to just engage in meaningless entanglements with people. He felt that we should be at the point where our romantic involvements should be purposed with finding something that will last. If you realize that is not the case or the potential to do that with a person is not there [i.e.- expiration date]... Then you should leave that person alone... Plain and simple... Even if you think that person is super cool or you two get along really well and have great conversation... If you know that the possibility for more than friendship exists, yet it would be on a road leading nowhere...It's better to not even start. Furthermore... If you're holding out for someone or something... You need to figure that out so that you can either use the pot or get off of it... [lol his wording not mine]... Because life is too short and time is too precious to be wasting it having a fight over egos and involving others in the process unecessarily.

I am not 1000% positive that I agree with this plan of action. But I definitely understand it....Just not sure it works for everyone in every situation...  I guess it's just difficult sometimes when walking the balance between enjoying life, and living it with a heightened sense of purpose. This is also the conundrum of being young enough to make mistakes, yet old enough to know better....

Until next time folks...