Words and Symbols

I realize more and more that many women have the same issue with men across the board. Most problems between males and females across the board, no matter how big or small, come down to one very simple principle: words and actions don't match up.
I notice this amongst my friends (male and female) as well as in my own romantic entanglements. But I also think that men don't always recognize the messages or incongruences they often send out regarding words vs behavior. But women , in turn expect them to AND hold this ignorance against them in many cases.
That's because to us, the two translate so well that we are usually appalled by your genuine inability to see the differences (gentlemen).
For me, personally though, it's the very simple inconsistencies that really piss me off. For example, I really hate it when a guy says he really wants to be with/date a female and yet has done little to nothing in order to make it happen. Like how are you seriously trying to date her, and yet you haven't really put a real bid in by taking her on a real date? Now we could go into detail about what a "real date" is at some other time in some other blog. But know this: How seriously you take the planning and preparation for that date will almost always connect to how seriously she takes your intentions. If its a chill laid back type of date, she'll think you're a chill laid back dude with chill laid back intentions for her.
If she expresses discomfort with something, the swiftness and genuineness you use to handle the situation will tell her all she needs to know about how you feel about her, the situation, and her feelings overall.
The reverse is always true as well but I'm old fashioned though, so I feel that the male in a relationship should always set the tone through his behavior which the woman should then follow.
Anyway though, I just always find it amazing just how common this issue is and yet how far away we are from solving it.

Censorship

Self-expression is such a perplexing beast. It's one of those things that everyone has the right to do, and yet when it is over the top or lacking in anyway, others always feel the need to comment or assess. It gets on my nerves. Specifically because I am all for self-expression within reason, and yet even having to say that at all irritates me. (lol I'm a tortured soul. My bestie always says I love everything and nothing all at once, and sadly it is true!) Anyway though... I like blogging, despite my track record. It gives me a chance to self-reflect and self-express safely. And because I know not many people care a great deal about what I write here... I never feel like I'm doing the most when I blog. But I also don't like that if I have a thought or need to vent... I have to censor my words because of how they may influence the feelings of others. Most of me is an open book. I am very transparent and will tell anyone at any point how I am feeling about him/her at a given moment in time. However, I am also a lover of people and therefore subscribe to "If I have nothing nice to say, I will say nothing...Unless you ask me...7_7" lol. But it still bothers me that I feel censored. Can't discuss things that just happened because people get in their feelings about it... Can't discuss significant events in detail because people get in their bags about that.... Like... I don't know... I'd never post anything that I've never said TO the person myself, blatantly. And yet people still feel a way. Blogs are great because they allow people you do not know to relate to situations that you may feel you are the only one experiencing. And yet, that interesting embrace is stifled out of worry for hurting the feelings of someone who probably disrespected you to the point of slanderous blogging in the first place!?! UGH! I'm over it. lol And yet I'll probably still continue to subscribe to this behavior. In writing this, I realize the only person really censoring me is myself... And sometimes I'm okay with that and sometimes I am not. Anyway... back to life as usual =)

New discoveries and old news

So... The whole blogging daily thing didn't really work out too well for me... lol Always a work in progress... Anyway, I just felt the need to weigh in on a few things as I have learned quite a bit about myself over the past few weeks... And I'd like to use my blog as a way to chronicle at least SOME of this journey known as life... From my perspective at least. First things first... I realize that I am a lover of words, but a believer of behavior. I have dedicated my life's work to understanding why people do the things that they do and in that understanding, I try to help them to gain the tools necessary to change the things they want to change... Or accept that change is not a remote possibility and achieve change in their views of the situation instead. That is my life. It's what I am passionate about. It's what I love. And the way that translates into my personal life is that I appreciate words... Especially fancy well-thought-out ones. But I thrive on action. I am very action oriented, and I appreciate people who (like me) do their best to make words and actions marry...continually, in happy matrimony. I realized recently, that I am very attracted to the beauty in words, and people who take them as seriously as I do. I love people who can finesse a sentence and use words to the powerful extent of moving hearts and changing minds. Orators. I love orators. I fell in love with Franky Ocean that way. And I did not realize it until a few minutes ago. He paints pictures. Beautiful ones with his words, with his mind, with his mouth, from his soul... No paint brush needed. The air, our minds, imagination... all his canvases. I had never really paid any of his music any attention, and would still be willing to take or leave the lot of it if it were not for his amazing confession of truth and lies in his blog last week. I thought it was extremely brave of him to express himself in such a raw, honest way. But I could have taken or left that as well. It was his words. It was the picture he pained for me, that I have not been able to get over since. He was so respectful and appreciative of the human language, and yet found a way to make it his own....But make it mine too. I fully understood his position. His joy. His pain. His fear. his anguish. His rejection. His rebuilding and rebranding. All of it. All of him. And I was impressed. After this, I like many, bought his album. I've played it through one whole time. I'll play it today. But I cannot stop myself from listening to "Thinking bout You" for the life of me. Funny thing is, I'd heard it before the album release. It was the only song by him that I'd listen to. And NOW... I listen with new ears. he's saying something different to me than he was before. He sees my soul. He's aware of his soul. Maybe THAT'S what it is. For someone to be so in touch with human nature, and so aware of the impact words can have... And be able to execute each harmoniously... One must be self aware, and understanding, and speculative... And so many other things. And that must be what I love. I also realized that this is how several of my past significant others have gotten me. They recognized my need for the unusual. They were creative in their approach and were able to tap into my appreciation for a man just as aware of me as he was of himself. That coupled with the level of creativity with which each approached me, and expressed themselves. It's amazing. Some people win me over by offering me something that no one else has (my personal favorite). And then some meet that and exceed it by personalizing their existing talents for me. Creatively. Intently. Intentionally. Hmmm... This is an interesting tid-bit indeed. I think this is also why I am so put off by men who attempt this in a disingenuous way. Because it's usually very clear and I feel my intelligence being insulted when they think that I'm unaware. I don't like other people's left overs. I don't like receiving the same things that the usual receive. And I get immediately disgusted when I can tell that, that is the case. All very interesting things. :)