On Forgiveness...

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

-Mahatma Gandhi

I know I had something else in mind for my first blog (returning blog).... But after the morning that I have had... after the week that I've had... after the year that I've had... hmph
I woke up this morning and the quote listed was the quote of the day on my igoogle homepage... And it was right on time for me... So here we are... I still wanna write on Phenomenal Woman.... And I'm sure that I will at some point between finishing my exam tonight and deciding if I'm going out later or not...
Anyway.... forgiveness... Its a very difficult concept to fully master... and if any of you are like me at all [[unlikely lol but still]]... its an uphill battle everytime it begins... By that I mean that I always have to remind myself of the right thing to do, and why I am supposed to be the bigger, more mature person in the situation... And though I always aspire to do well of and unto others, being the mature one gets so old to me... And I'm not at a place yet where that's not true... I'm working to get there... I promise you I am... I would love to be at a place of self-actualization, which most in my profession would argue that the great Gandhi ((I'm a sucker for alliteration lol)) definitely reached... That place is supposed to be the ultimate sign of growth in the human condition where problems and conflict and self no longer matter as much as the greater good... There you not only have it all figured out, but you also are capable of employing this knowledge to real-life situations almost effortlessly...
I sometimes think that my boyfriend has reached that point in life, honestly... He just seems so GOOD at doing whats necessary with no questions asked... he sees things as either black or white, right or wrong, and he executes... I sooooo admire that about him... Because again, I'm not there yet.
Honestly, I find wisdom in that type of extreme distinction... It is almost like those with this heightened ability to 'rise above it' as I see it have gone through enough where they know they don't even want to be bothered with the headache of other options... They've seen these scenarios so many times that the right choice is second nature...
Someone like me, on the otherhand, who always gets around to doing the right thing and rising above it, often fights with herself more than anyone else. And I hate that... Because I definitely think that even in that fight, I am weakened as the quote says.
It is most definitely a mental warfare, all in my mind, and completely with myself. The other person, unless they know me well enough or care to investigate, wouldn't even know this inner war was going on...
The basics of forgiveness are clear but I will list them anyway and will not take for granted that everyone feels the same way on the topic that I do...
1.) Forgiveness is not for the other person...In fact it has nothing to do with them at all... It is completely and totally for and about you... The process does not even involve the other person in that they don't have to DO or SAY anything in order for you to begin forgiving
2.)A continuation of the previous point, the load carried by those who don't forgive only causes baggage and stress to you because you refuse to let it go... Forgiveness is a very selfish act in that it only relieves you of what you are carrying around... and that is why you do it for yourself and not for others... there is NOTHING worse than to be walking around mad at someone who isn't mad at all, or worse yet doesn't know that you are even upset at all... And it is especially beneficial [[in an extremely maniacal way]] when anger was the result the person wanted, and you give them just the opposite... you forgive...
3.)AND FINALLY ...Once you forgive, no one has asked you to forget... and in fact you'd be a fool to do so... However when you forgive you must truly let go... you do not continue to hold it against the person [[it being whatever the transgression was]] because in doing so you are continuing to harbor that unwanted baggage which only hurts you...Now that doesn't meant that you then have to be back in the same place with the person that you were in originally... That choice is totally yours and should not be based on anything other than your level of comfort... However if you decide to re-enter the situation with the understanding that things will go back to normal [[often the case for small fouls like a misunderstanding, a bruised ego, a stumped toe.... BUT NO JUDGEMENT if this is your choice following something much larger... just saying that there's nothing wrong with it... if it is your choice OWN IT... MAN UP ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON]]...if you decide to re-enter the situation know that by-gones must be by-gones and there is no room for old baggage in any relationship... so a large part of forgiving there is truly letting go...
This is also true of the inverse of that however... because even if you decide that things will not go back to normal or that you no longer want to deal with the situation or the person... you must still let it go to the point that it no longer receives entertainment amongst your thoughts and feelings and emotions... and that is what most people have an issue with... because if the wound cut deep enough to cause scarring... usually emotional scarring... the kind that only comes from people that we care about and are truly vested in... that pain resurfaces with every glimpse, every memory, every reminder of that person or situation... And though it is difficult, especially for those of us who are UN-self-actualized... it is the true nature of forgiveness....
Now my biggest issue that makes this all so difficult, is the other person... and that is what I think Gandhi meant by weakness... strength comes from rising... literally... it takes great strength to press past something... especially something so large and impacting.... But I cannot seem to get past other people... if I could I probably wouldnt be offended enough to need to forgive in the first place... But also if I could I most certainly would not be me... People are my THING... I don't like them too much... but i love them and care about them in ways that I should not... I extend myself even if it means bringing stress or strain upon myself in order to help them... and I both love and hate that about myself...because when I find myself burned, I really have no one to blame but myself...
But more than anything else, I just don't ever seem to understand how people don't consider others before they do things... Thats what so many of my issues with other people come down to... So much so that you would think that statement alone would be enough to teach me to stop getting so bent out of shape when I am wronged... or when someone does something that has the potential to piss me off... But it doesn't ... and I never see that... I just go straight for the anger and then the war on forgiveness begins... I think I have too much faith in these creatures... in YOU creatures.... in US creatures... because I always arrive bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to be proven wrong... its my stance even when I wanna be cynical and believe otherwise because I know better...
Anyway... I need to cut this vent session short because its almost time to get ready for work... but... Be ye not discouraged because weakness does not make you WEAK overall... it just means it is an area that needs work... we all have those...
I wonder what Gandhi's was... or if he even had them... But Lord knows that I do and this is clearly one of mine... Without weakness though, we would never know where or how to build our strengths... So I'll keep working on it.. and maybe one day I'll be there... I hope...
Thank you for letting me vent and be transparent... And even if you're judging me based on this... though I would hope that you're not... Know that I probably don't care what you think [[lol likely a lie... tell me what you think pls lol]]... but also that I 'm a work in progress and he's not finished with me yet... Gotta stop letting others get the best of me... Its not worthit ... and neither is anyone who would do so intentionally....
Nesh...OUT! :)