Sexual incongruence?

Disclaimer: This blog was supposed to have a completely different title.  I have been putting it off for weeks now, and when I finally thought to remind myself to do it... I had forgotten what I wanted to call it. #judgeme


Okay so... here's the thing... Several of my friends and acquaintances have been discussing this concept of "bad sex partners" and dudes who just "do it wrong"... And this commentary is usually coming from males themselves. Based on the conversations that females either have with them... or conversations that they have overheard. So I thought this would be something interesting to discuss because I never really know what men are thinking when it comes to sex...

One of my friends tweeted recently that "If a [n-word]'s goal is not to make his lady  orgasm as many times as she is capable of doing so in the time allotted for their sexual encounter" he is doing something wrong and the chick will talk about him poorly to all of her friends. Another of my friends tweeted that he thinks [n-word]s just pound until they can't anymore and call it a day"... In both of these cases lol, it seems that both think that someone is getting it wrong. But I also wonder what people who think that way would do to rectify the situation.

Sex seems to be such a taboo topic for discourse in male-female relationships. Even if you are not planning on keeping a female around for long periods of time, Gentlemen, you should still follow the rule of reciprocity. I'm positive it will serve you well. Now, if you do not know what this is... I have no problem explaining it as I TRULY do not understand why most men do not think this way... And I know that several don't because I have had several conversations that have made this very clear to me. Anyway, the rule of reciprocity with MOST women says that if you do what it takes to please her, your pleasure will know very few limits. I know for a fact this is the general school of thought for most Aquarians [to a much stronger degree]... But on a very basic level, it is also the rule of thumb for most women. Even in the most simple situation... if you find out what a woman likes, and put effort into accurately delivering it... she will come back even if only for the peen. FACT!

The problem is that most men, and women, think that they have sex down pact for all members within their radius of attraction. But that's not true. How do you know what someone wants or likes if you don't ask or find some method of discovery? And then, many men think that they are able to tell what turns a woman on or tickles her fancy by paying attention to what she says or how she responds to you. Little known fact... If a woman is into a man... she will say and do whatever is necessary to make him feel good. My point? You cannot rely solely on the things that you think are tell-tell signs simply because you would rather avoid what could result in an awkward conversation. It doesn't serve either of you well. No two people are created equally. Therefore the next may not like what turned the last on, and so on and so forth. The only way you can really find out what gets a person moving, is to inquire within. Ask her what she likes... tell her what you like... Discuss her turn-ons and more importantly her turn-offs... Keep her interested and get more interested.... And how would you even KNOW how sexually congruent you are with a person otherwise?

That being said. sex should be a negotiation of things that work for both parties. It becomes exponentially more challenging, yet straight forward once you are in a monogamous relationship because then you have several other variables to tend to... Yet you're only doing these things with ONE person...

And if you decide not to take into account what makes her body tick... you are by definition a selfish lover. Now there are obviously cases where someone would not care if they are being labeled a selfish lover. But clearly this information is not really for them. More so, it is for those who truly think their game is tight...and yet aren't taking the steps necessary to insure that this is correct.

Every woman is wired differently... and this may or may not be the case for every man as well. For instance, sex is purely psychological for some women while for others it is all physical, and others may experience variations of combinations of the two. So... I am all for experimenting. But I am even more in favor of simply asking the person... That is of course... if he/she is someone that you would prefer to keep around. Sex is meant to be enjoyable, and bring joy to those who experience it. Opening up the lines of communication can truly improve the chances of meeting that goal for all parties involved. 

More to come later I suppose... holler!