Phenomenal Woman

Phenomenal Woman
“Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say It’s in the reach of my arms, The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips.
It’s the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
It’s the arch in my back, The sun of my smile. The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style.
I’m a woman. Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That’s me.” – THE GREAT Maya Angelou
If you know the poem at all, you know this is an augmented version of the greatness that exists within EACH and EVERY stanza of this remarkable poem. And these words: so poised, so unassuming, so ACCURATE… You may be surprised to know that even through their struggle to exist [[the words that is]], so many women do not understand their meaning… So many women still do not grasp the ginormity of their own worth…?? Now the why is not quite as surprising as the THAT! But both remain and likely always will which is what saddens me the most.
In this particular blog… I will be using a specific example. And though I don’t usually do this, there are so many women with a story similar to this young woman’s, that I feel compelled to share. One of my students is the exact same age as I am… well rather she is turning 25 this year just as I did. She is beautiful, and funny, and smart, and a true joy to be around when she decides to be. And yet I can look at her, before she even begins to tell her story, and KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that she does not appreciate herself for who she is. And as such, when she begins to share things with me, it comes as no true surprise to me that others [[specifically men]] do not respect her any more than she respects herself. She does not trust herself, and like so many women feels that sex and sexual explicity [[created word alert]] are the only true values that she has to offer the opposite sex. And of course they gladly accept, which only reinforces its worth and her underrated self value in her mind… But what she doesn’t realize and is completely unaware of is the power that she has…. She LITERALLY does not see it… and it drives me absolutely bananas!
Now allow me to digress for a moment, only to shed some personal light on this topic. Every woman, regardless of beauty, or stature, or intelligence, or any other quality questions who she is and questions her worth. There are parts of my body that I damn to hell DAILY! And the things that people tend to compliment me on the most are the things that I grew up LOATHING about myself… My curly hair has always been an irritation. My deep brown chocolate textured skin wasn’t a point of pride. My full lips, which got me teased almost every single day, had me wanting to either cut them off myself, or request reconstructive surgery as a gift every single Christmas and birthday. My almond shaped eyes made people question my nationality [[and still do]] so those could have gone if it were up to me… My curves made me different from other girls, so I didn’t want those either. I was always inquisitive and thirsty for knowledge, so I was labeled a nerd and a goody-good [[BAHUMBUG!]]… And I am positive that the list could go on…. But the important thing is that all of these disputes were based upon the images of beauty that others made me believe… And no matter how much my mother would fight with me DAILY to change and undo the damage that public school had inflicted upon my ego… It took forever for me to realize that I needed to appreciate these things about myself if I ever wanted another human being to. My mother HAD to appreciate these things… Not only did I acquire a ton of the aforementioned directly from her… but she was my mommy and it was her obligation to tell me that my bootyjuice was more precious than anyone else’s… So it wasn’t until I started believing my own hype, and defining my own standards of beauty that I came to the conclusion that I was the bomb.com regardless of what anyone else cared to think… And that, in my opinion, is one of the hardest places for a woman to get to… What I don’t fully grasp is why…
Now, bringing it back to my student… I will not lie and pretend that life has not dealt her quite the unfortunate hand… because it certainly has as it often does the lot of us… She is [[among unnecessary for mention here other psychological deficiencies]] freshly attempting to get over the death of her mother… Additionally she is a ward of the state for all intents and purposes and has been for quite some time… she has recently aborted a fetus that she fully intended to keep… there are a host of psychosocial situations and factors that should be keeping her mind focused and alert… However, all she cares about is what men think of her… she uses sex to get everything she wants from food, to attention, to validation. And my heart breaks every single time this realization slaps me in the face… because I see her as capable and deserving of so much more… One day she and I had a conversation about the partners [[sexual]] that she has had in the past. The conversation began because I was inquiring about the relation she had to the father of her unborn child. That then branched out into us discussing the fact that she had only known him for about a month prior to the pregnancy and had only been dating him for about two weeks before she found out that she was pregnant. In my head [[as I usually crunch numbers just to do so]] I realized that this meant that she was already having unprotected sex with a person that she had only known for a couple of weeks when the child was conceived [[at the very maximum]]… so of course I began to ask about her past experiences and whether or not she took her own safety into account when making decisions to be sexually active…. She became immediately and understandably defensive and then explained that she simply enjoys sex and that no one is getting more out of the exchange than she is…
Let me pause here for a second and say that I was not judging her at that moment and I am not telling this because I feel that others are in a position to do so either. Immediately what I did want to do was give her a magical mirror… one that showed beauty in even her most severe flaws… one that showed her what she possesses that other women would kill for… one that counted and tallied [[automatically]] every item about her person that exuded beauty and gave her a numeric representation of all the millions of things that make her beautiful just because she is her… But alas… I have no magic mirror… and the conversation that transpired following showed me that that mirror may not have made much of a difference in this case…
[[HEAVY SIGH]] The conversation continued with me asking her if she ever considered waiting to get to know someone and at the very least their sexual/relationship/social/any other necessary history before allowing him to have her body… I genuinely wanted to know if this had ever occurred to her… Because now I was curious… and in so many words she told me that she loves sex and would do it whenever and however with any one who was willing to look her way… because that is what she was supposed to do… YALL… my entire heart dropped… and with it all of my other necessary vital organs felt like they flowed out of me in the same pattern… my soul was pained… not just for her and her poor body…. But for every other woman on this earth that I know for a fact feels the same way… I of course followed up by asking her if she knew at all what she possessed and how valuable it happens to be… that it is THAT possession that can bring any sane man to his knees if properly operated… and she was confused…. She wanted to know what I was talking about, all the while doubt in her face as to whether or not she actually had this gift that I spoke so freely about… “You’re a WOMAN” I replied… “Don’t you know that they’re lined around the block just to watch what you’ve got?” But I then stressed to her that the only reason that they don’t respect it that way is because she doesn’t either… How could they and why would they if everytime they even contemplate doing so, you give them permission not to????
My real question is what is it that makes us feel so inadequate… so unworthy… so UGH! I want to kill that illusion one million and forty two times because it is ridiculous… we are the givers of life… the bearers of perfection… and we all carry our own secret weapons that no one can operate the way that we can… its bigger than our vaginas and more lovely than our breasts…. It is our essence… and it is only activated in our belief…
I could go on and on and on regarding this topic… but I’ll stop here for now and leave a few final thoughts…
Women: RESPECT YOURSELVES and RESPECT OTHERS! You teach people how to treat you. We have all given our love, given our bodies, and given ourselves to the undeserving…. And if you haven’t yet… live a bit more and I promise you that you likely will… but we must rise above that… you live, you learn, and then you move on… But while you’re living and while you’re learning… protect yourselves physically and figuratively… Don’t give it away too easily… but even if you do WRAP IT UP!
Make them work for it… that way even if they turn out to be worthless in the end… he would have still had to prove himself in order to get what he got… But make sure you know your worth… and wear it as a badge of honor for all to see… Prioritize and understand the importance of being the best you that you know how to be before even attempting to add a man or anyone else to the equation… Never be afraid to face and work on YOU… it will be your most prized masterpiece once it is done 
Men: If you find yourself with a woman that does not know her worth… know that you cannot give it to her and you won’t ever be able to…. But what you can do is let her know what you see…and what you love… and what makes her so alluring to you… She’ll never get tired of hearing it… and if she’s at all aware of what it is that exists within her… the majority of her efforts will be spent trying to do the same for you… adding to your life and assisting you in the fulfillment of your dreams… But also know that you have a power as well and as such a great responsibility… Love your wives… marry your fiancés… RAISE YOUR DAUGHTERS! You have no idea what these very simple yet demanding tasks are capable of doing to and for society…. PLEASE AND THANK YOU…
I know this was a long one [[pause]]… But I hope you took the time to see it for what it was worth… as well as read in between the lines, and filled the empty spaces with everything that I have NOT said… Thank you for reading… and please be blessed 
-Nesh