Lying, Cheating, and Playing Games

I've been doing quite a bit of reflecting lately... And I realized something. I am, overall, very different from a lot of people... male and female. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing... Am I going against the grain in a way that will serve me well in the long run? Or in a way that will leave me chronically single because I expect too much of the opposite sex? I posed a similar question in an earlier blog, but realize that my mind will not leave this topic alone.


Like most of my blogs, my recent conversations are the muse for my thoughts on this topic of lying and cheating and all of that stuff. I have never cheated on anyone... I have, however, kissed exes while in limbo with another ex before lol interestingly... I have also been cheated on. Of the five "serious" relationships that I have had in my life... three [that I know of] have resulted in unfaithfulness. And in all three situations, I think they were for different reasons and occurred in different ways... I don't attribute my non-cheating record to my overall angelic ways. For me, when I'm single I'm usually single. Currently, I'm very irritated by the dating scene so ...meh to that. Another blog for another day. But usually, My breakdown looks a little something like this: I usually deal with people for a variety of reasons. The people that I talk to usually serve a specific purpose. There will usually be one that I like more than the others but either cannot see myself in a relationship with or don't see a relationship developing. There may also be someone who gets the majority of my time but that I may not like as much as the person I like the most. There may be someone who is great for conversation. Someone who I feel like enjoys the same things that I do.... I think you get the picture. Sort of like niche interacting. With that being said, in order for me to be in a relationship with someone, in addition to trusting them wholeheartedly I also have to feel like they make the existence of the other people that I find interesting obsolete. That way, when I get into a relationship with someone, I have no reason to search outside of my relationship for things that I need. I would have someone to talk to, someone I genuinely like, someone I can genuinely enjoy being around (which says ALOT for me... I'm super temperamental about who I share my space with)...Someone I'm attracted to intellectually, someone who keeps it real with me... etc. And that usually works well for me until it doesn't anymore. I see no reason to rush into anything and I generally don't see the benefit of being with someone just because.

I prefer to be with one person in one relationship. I prefer deep personal relationships that are close, intimate, and individualized. Plus, though I'm honest about where I am with things, investing in more than one person at a time is so exhausting. I didn't have time for it before and I have even less time for it now. But I've also KNOWN several cheaters... and this has always been an issue that has interested me. If I was interested enough, I would do my dissertation on it, because it honestly does fascinate me.

Today, though, I have been thinking more about the reasons people get caught in their lies and games moreso than the reasons that they commit these transgressions to begin with. As I mentioned yesterday... I am not sure where I stand on the issue of accepting cheating... But we'll get to that in a second too. Though I think that men and women do cheat for different reasons, I have to believe that the get caught for similar reasons which I will list below and provide examples. I must say, though, that of all of the cheaters that I know or have known, only one female has ever gotten caught. That says a lot. I don't know if they are more aware of their behaviors or what... The chick that I'm thinking of made a very classic mistake that men usually make. She underestimated how much her dude paid attention and she overestimated how slick she was. CLASSIC mistake. This usually has a lot to do with the ego of the person cheating. In this situation, her behavior changed drastically. As a result, her dude went through her phone and noticed some interesting activity between she and a dude that he knew of but didn't know. The activity was interesting more because there were lots of phone calls but no texts though he often witnessed her texting SOMEONE whenever they were together. As such, he saved his number under the number for the dude so that all messages would come to him. In doing so, he realized soon enough that she was also physically and emotionally intimate with this guy and got caught up. Clearly both men and women make this mistake. No surprise there.

Another key mistake that people make is underestimating just how small the world, and more specifically the area that we live in, actually is. I once knew a chick that was dealing with a dude who was friends with some people she was also friends with. In addition to this, one of her friends also happened to be friends with someone who was cool with the dude. She then later found out that several people she knew also worked with the dude and actually was cool with him at work. Needless to say that dude severely underestimated how small the world is, and how small the area they lived in was. There was a gathering with friends at which point he invited a chick that wasn't his girl. He thought he was being slick about it and lied to his girl which she didn't know he was doing at the time. The FUNNIEST thing about this story is that despite all of the people who his chick knew that could have informed his chick... GUESS how she found out about it!?!? She knew someone else that knew the other girl! lol Came up in random conversation! Now I know what you're thinking... His chick was just well connected! lol And I guess that makes sense. But regardless, he was being hot about it and his chick probably would have found out regardless. But the way that she did was priceless. Yea, I'm sure he probably figured he was amongst the loyalty of his friends and therefore wouldn't get caught up. However, he didn't even KNOW that his girl knew co-workers of his. And there was no way he could have seen his full name coming up in conversation between his chick and the chick he decided to bring around. BUT that is the risk that you run when you piss too closely to where you eat. But it's also the risk you run when you're doing dirt. What is done in the dark ALWAYS has its way of surfacing to lighter pastures.

Classic mistake number three involves the people that people cheat with. My ex was so beyond famous for this one. lol And it never failed... well never failed me anyway. He would be creeping with these basic chicks on the low and in the cut but publicly wifing me... And I don't just mean by word of mouth. He spoiled it for anyone else because this dude was honestly the prototype of doing dirt but taking care of home. He was so smart and meticulous about it that I honestly would have given him the benefit of the doubt at first if it were not for these chicks. Don't get me wrong, there were shifts in his behaviors sometimes as well. But what he showed me more than anything was that a determined man could do anything he put his mind to, including cheat while still catering to my every want and need. I remember when I lived in Salisbury in my college apartment. He would literally drive to Salisbury on Friday nights as soon as he got off of work at 5:00pm. He'd pick me up from work and stay for the entire weekend, leave Monday morning. Literally, most weeks, by Tuesday night, he was back at my apartment staying until Wednesday morning. Sometimes, I would see him 5 nights a week plus the weekend. Yeah, it was only a 2 hour drive. But that's two hours backward and forward. Coming and going. And it wasn't just that... anytime I needed or wanted anything, I only had to think it and it was mine. We talked all day everyday. On the phone. Via facebook chat. Just because notes left on the mirror in the morning. Text messages all day in between phone calls. lol Constant communication. So the real questions are :why put in that much work only to cheat? And when are you finding TIME to cheat...? Questions I always asked myself. But I also already knew the answer... Anyway... the fatal flaw. He would be wrapping these joints UP! But then they'd do their research... Look on facebook, pages linked lol status :engaged ... lol Click on albums... pics galore... Look in his phone... Home screen ME lol I call "The Wife" pops up... Super romantical ringtone plays LOUDLY lol... So of course the chicks are like... okay well either "I want THAT"or "maybe she doesn't know about me" lol and they'd blow up his spot. Granted, this was years ago. Lol even happened after his death. Complete his fault though. He underestimated the chicks.

So back to the original question. Do you just hope the person is smart enough or respects you enough that if they plan to cheat, they keep it away from you ? Is that actually respect ? Wouldn't respect involve not cheating at all...? Idk.