On Vulnerability...

A few months ago, I found a posted quote by none other than Bob Marley which read, "The worst thing a man can do is open a woman up with no intention of loving her..."

The first time I read it, I recall being blown away by the simplicity and yet gravity of it. It is beyond true... And it is exactly how I feel about vulnerability...

Let it be noted that I am saying this: No relationship can work without vulnerability... The ability to be vulnerable with someone other than you... The ability to take a chance on letting someone in to see all of your faults, all of your flaws, all of your fears... and TRUSTING them not to abuse that information. For some of us, being vulnerable is much more difficult than it is for others [[GUILTY]]... However, it is very important to be able to be THAT trusting of the person you're with... It isn't being super emotional all the time, or over expressive, or whiny. But it is giving someone the power to impact your feelings and emotions... Caring enough, and showing that you care enough, to be fully invested... Allowing someone else close enough that they would be fully capable of destroying you or breaking you down... and yet TRUSTING them enough to believe that they will not... Being vulnerable is being open... Sharing freely... Giving of yourself.... And it is very easy to see how this, by definition, has earned the negative connotation that many of us recognize it for. However, intimacy [true intimacy/connectedness with someone else] is impossible without it...

The problem is... Sometimes people do take advantage. Sometimes people do allow or even lead someone to a point of true vulnerability only to strike and destroy all the trust built... And it is those people who cause and perpetuate the ripples of mistrust that we witness in life daily... And the backlash of those actions are those who believe you should never leave yourself THAT open... you should ALWAYS have a contingency plan... You should NEVER be completely vulnerable.... And that feels right for a while... You begin to put up walls and layers for protection... You begin to assess how open others are being and adjust your armor accordingly... And even if you weren't a person whose vulnerability was taken advantage of... The stories of what others have experienced are often enough to make you want to remain on guard....

The problem with this, though, is that you are also blocking the potential for something amazing in the process. Love should be deep, it should be intimate, it should be intrusive... How else would it cut to the core of you? How else would you feel it when you feel numb to everything else...? And granted, if love is strong enough, it should be able to break down those walls and meet you where you are... But the reality is that that's work... And sometimes... we forget that everyone has had experiences and that those experiences leave others equally as tarnished and jaded as ours have left us. So sometimes while we think a person should be willing to break down the walls if they are meant to love us... That very message could be triggering something from their pasts that say the same thing [or the polar opposite in some cases]... And then no one gets served.  In reality, there should be a balance of some sort. You should be able to trust someone, especially in a relationship. You should be able to believe that someone is capable of protecting you and allowing you to protect them. That is the only way that true vulnerability, and by right, true intimacy really works. If both parties are actively vulnerable with and for one another, each has the same amount to lose.... And yet each is concerned with protecting the other that they don't even notice their own vulnerability... They are safeguarding their counterpart's vulnerability as if it were their own...

However... As the quote notes... The worst thing a PERSON can do, is get someone to a point of vulnerability... openness.... with no intention of protecting them... With no intention of loving them the way they deserve to be loved... It is sinful and can truly ruin a person's trust in others indefinitely... Either don't open a person up if you have no intention of being there to catch their fall... Of protecting them... of loving them completely.... OR ... If you do open a person up... If you do work to get a person to the point where they trust you, respect you, appreciate you, consider you, protect you... RECIPROCATE... Catch them... trust them... love them... appreciate them... consider them... Respect them...

But of course to stop this... we would have to rid this world of a large amount of its selfishness... And that, my loves, will likely never happen.... So... the solution...?

I don't know honestly... But it has to start on an individual level...

Until next time...